Once upon a time, there was a girl who tried, valiantly, to
be a part of the herd. She went to
college, joined a sorority, competed in pageants, married Prince Charming,
tried to blend in with pretentious officer’s wives, country-club in-laws, and ‘society’
people who presented themselves as more than they actually were.
This girl was well-read.
She could read, write, and speak (to a lesser degree) French, Spanish,
and Italian. She played more than one
musical instrument proficiently. She had
an artistic temperament, a keen intellect, a sharp wit, a sense of personal
style, a degree of sophistication. Most
of all she had dreams.
All of which, she suppressed, sublimated, in the attempt to
be ‘normal’.
But some women are not ever meant to fit in with the
herd. They are meant to soar, to go
places, to do things that satisfy the psyche, the soul. And eventually, by painfully slow degrees,
she realized this. Not all realizations
were good. The marriage to Prince
Charming was foundering, and beyond her ability to repair. That
caused her great anxiety and pain. The
office job was going nowhere. That
gave her a feeling of hopelessness, to know that her energy and creativity were
being mercilessly leached from her, all to the credit of someone less talented,
who was paid a whole lot more.
And that ‘normal’ life, that she had worked so hard to
maintain, suddenly seemed very grey and flavourless.
So one day, she took a small step, and it felt good. So she took another, and then another. She changed how she dressed, wearing the
lovely clothes that had always hung in the closet, waiting a special occasion
that never seemed to arrive. She began
using the special china, the silver, the good towels. She threw away the plastic, and sipped from
crystal. She bought herself a drum set
and took lessons. She bought herself a
small harp and taught herself to play.
She acted, sang, danced, and wrote her way to greater fulfillment,
greater happiness. She started exploring new interests, new
desires. Then, one fateful day, she picked up a book,
by a woman who called herself Belle, and that changed everything.
Yes. I am that
woman. And this is my story.
